Labor Day traditionally marks the end of summer and getting back to school. This year feels so different, I'm so ambivalent. Happy the summer hellish 100 degree days have broken; sad the drought stunted local produce isn't the usual beautiful abundance; perplexed about the "surprises" the Fall/Winter will bring.
As my second back-to-school campaign passes without my active participation, I'm easing into learning more about the individual I've become or probably always was. It's a challenge I'm working on; pulling back the layers searching for the pure essence. My 8-year-old dreamer self differs from my recent version which revolved around work life and motherhood. The economy has put the kibosh on already dwindling business contracts and my teenage son is seeing the world, soldiering in Uncle Sam's Army. Refining the essence of me continues.
I've had the proverbial Eat, Pray, Love short/starter marriage and a longer one, even though marriage was never my life goal nor was having a family. I'm happy to have the opportunity to try both, just enjoyed the kid-part better than the husband-part of it all. My dreams and goals beyond diapers and dishes don't fit nicely into the "Leave it to Beaver" June Cleaver role I was expected to wear. I'm a better partner/team member in a relationship than a traditional wife. Big hint: I've always had my birth name, never changed it with marriage, my identity is important.
Continually negotiating my role's boundaries, an emotional drain, not worth my effort in the grand scheme of things. I found squeezing five pounds of poo into a one pound bag is a no-win shitty situation. Walking out of marriage twice was a better alternative than going to prison for mayhem and MANslaughter. I've known an emotionally and intellectually secure man was essential for a chance at a happy relationship with healthy give-and-take humor and adventure. It's not surprising I married a fellow graduate school student and eventually a fellow career-oriented manager. I sure learned a lot about the male ego, "winning", and a desire to tame another. My high spirited and independent nature neither wants or needs to be tamed, merely to be shared and enjoyed.
Today I celebrate my fellow workers, hoping better opportunities come our way this next year. I also celebrate people who continue to labor on being their best while living life on their terms, JOB or no job!
Psst...pay attention to the people who come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and what they teach you about yourself :)
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